Fhizz (VG) – Crimson Fellowship Stories

The Gnomish Contribution to Language

While everyone knows of the many contributions gnomes have made to the world few remember that gnomes invented language and most of the words currently used throughout the world. Not even gnomes remember exactly when language began. The most current scholarly opinion seems to be that the first word was most likely uttered by a gnome walking into a wall back in the time before fire was invented to allow gnomes to see where they were going. It is known for certain though that some of the oldest words did come from that distant (and dark) time.

If you read the Dictionary (which is required reading for all gnome preschoolers) you will quickly notice that most words are noted as "g." which stands for gnome. It would take far too long to explain the origins of all gnome-invented words, but today I will provide two examples to illustrate the process and history that lies behind most words in use today.

WATER

While the origin of some words is lost to history the origin of the word "water" is well known to gnomes. Back in the times before fire, two gnomes, Free and Ki were groping their way across the gnomish cavern. Suddenly both stopped dead in their tracks (not really dead, just an expression). While they could not see anything they could certainly feel things and what they felt was something cold and slimy pouring into their slippers (or boots or shoes, one cannot really be sure what one is wearing in total darkness). Free said "What?" and Ki said "Er". From that time onward the cold slimy stuff was known as What-Er. Of course once fire had been invented the gnomes were able to see exactly what What-Er looked like (at least they hoped that is what they had been stepping in). Over the years What-Er got shortened to the word we use today "Water". What is not known is why the gnomish tradition of naming something after it's discoverer was not followed. To this day many conservative gnome historians still insist that when you look out over that lake or harbor the correct thing would be to say "Freeki".

DRAGON

While they are fairly rare and unseen in modern times, dragons used to be much less rare and much more active in the world. Of course when they were first seen they had no name and were generally referred to as "those funny looking things with wings that breathe fire all over everything". This caused considerable problems. Dragons tend to fly fairly quickly. When one was spotted the spotter would of course try to warn everyone that trouble was coming. However those brave gnomes trying to warn their fellows would generally get as far as "Incoming funny lookin" before the dragon caught up with them. A lot of brave gnomes were lost this way. During these trying times gnomish merchants were the most frequent victims of the dragons (as they were the ones most often travelling far from the gnome's home cavern). In addition to referring to "funny looking things with wings that breathe fire over everything" the merchants also referred to the things as a "real drag on the economy". Hoping to increase their survival rate the merchants shouting warnings tried to say "Incoming, a real drag on the economy". However that did not work much better and generally ended up as just "Incoming a real dr" before being cut off. Eventually it was shortened to DRAGON, not only warning others of the trouble but also allowing the one giving the warning to survive the experience. As a side note two additional things happened during this process. First of all those most often killed by the dragons were the brave souls trying to warn others and those greedy souls who tried to save their belongings. The loss of the brave souls is greatly regretted but the loss of the greedy helped make the gnomes the generous and kindly folk they are today. Secondly, though few know it, the most popular breakfast cereal today was named in remembrance of those lost gnomes of long ago. Please observe a moment of silence each morning as you open your box of Gnome Krispies..

Anyone wishing more information on the gnomish contribution to language merely has to read the Dictionary. Any misguided souls who wish to dispute the gnomish contribution should remember that if gnomes had not invented language and the many words language uses you would not be ABLE to dispute this or dispute anything at all.

---